Feeling a bit out of sorts


This is one of my favourite photos. It was taken last year in Varadero, Cuba where my mum and I went on holiday during reading week.

I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts recently, for a few reasons. For one, to quote a good friend of mine, “a lot of changes are happening in my life.” You would think I’d be used to change, especially through my travel experiences where I’ve had to adapt which has been both challenging and so, so rewarding. Although I’m someone who has dealt with quite a bit of changes in my life, whether it be unexpected changes where I’ve had to go with the flow, having the belief that things will work out as they are supposed to, and changes made out of choice, whether it’s been taking the next step, the next leap of faith, the next crazy chance, change is still something that can be tricky to grasp.

To describe how I’m feeling using adjectives, I’m feeling: happy, excited, anxious, frustrated, hopeful, hopeless, but overall optimistic, amongst other things, knowing that despite whatever kinks there may be, they’ll get straightened out.

There are things I’ve ended my involvement with, things I’ve become involved with, for instance this online project I’m working on with two friends, something I’m so excited about, the potential and even it just being a way to share ideas. And I’ll be starting school in less than THREE weeks! Something I’m excited, anxious, happy, insert adjective here, about all at once. Just getting back into the grind, after taking some time to figure our where I’m headed, where I’m going, what direction it is that I want to take. I’m sure I’ll write a post about this sometime, but I’ll just put it out there that this year was one of the most frustrating years, in that I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. Yet I was, I found myself in Tanzania and I’m a strong believer in certain things, not everything, but certain things happening for this year and adding to that, opportunities came my way, I was able to do certain things this year that I wouldn’t take back for a second. So it was a movement that took place not only physically but metaphorically.

The other is that I have all these ideas as to what I’d like to write about, ideas that are constantly floating around in my head, I’m just having trouble getting them out. Normally once I’ve got something on my mind, I do my best to get it down on paper or on the computer, in Word, as quickly as possible as to not lose the thought. There are a few things thought where I’ve struggled with doing that. I wouldn’t say I’m uninspired, just, feeling a bit out of sorts.

All I ask that what I write be taken at face value. If I choose to be vague, I’ll be vague, only because there’s only certain things I will divulge on here. I keep a personal journal, have been since as long as I can remember and I find solace in writing and listening to music. Sometimes, I won’t go indepth because I won’t feel the need to. So what I write, take it as it is. I cannot express how real I am when I write. I speak from experience, from my life experiences, from my travels, from the values and lessons I’ve been taught growing up, from family and friends.

I’m also trying to figure out what kind of approach I want to take with this blog, so bear with me. If anything, it’ll be about me and my life and my ramblings (in high school I was notorious for this), music I like, movies I’ve seen, books I’m reading, photographs I’ve taken, and of course, posts I write as a YCI Youth Writer (for more on that, check out the Around The World With Avi page). But then again, I don’t want it to become all “me, me, me”, I’m very aware of that.

No one’s perfect. We’re all flawed, we’re all human and I am as vulnerable as all of you. And sometimes, that vulnerability will come through in my writing. I put myself out there sometimes. I’m known for being an emotional person, I get emotionally invested in people, things, places, so don’t be surprised if a few posts are emotionally charged. As much as this is a blog for people to read, this blog isn’t about pleasing anyone. I’m writing for myself and for anyone out there who’s reading, whether it’s because you came upon this blog randomly, or you know me well, for those who can relate to where I am in life.

Anyways did not expect this post to take such a serious turn! This blog is also meant to be FUN! You’ll see that come through 🙂 Maybe I’ll do a post entirely in Bridget Jones speak. You’ll see what I mean when that happens haha.

xoxo

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